Strong Hopes

There you are, across the seas
Tides so high, waves so soft
The mountains so tall, my sight so faint
Hopes so strong, strength so weak

My sight par the horizon,
In faint hopes to meet
Like the river, yearning to touch,
the soft sand on the shore

Nostalgic times become my life
Memories plenty, life so little
Survival is all I have,
Until the day we meet again

The nourishment, the love
None of that is here, my love
The passion for you, the yearning I have
For that one feel, one touch of you

Your aroma so divine, your words of music
The touch of you, the warmth you share
You taught me to love,
you built the passion in me... For you

Years passed by, time stood still
Your beauty vivid in me,
My love for you is all I have
One sight of you, is all I ask

Miles away, in a world so alien
I seek, I strive, I look to a day to unite
not because you gave me all I have
because you showed me what I have

Words don't do justice
To explain the melancholy in me
For happiness is with you,
Until the day I meet you again,

Each day passes in the hope to meet
My good old love, my beloved country

Alone & Alive

For 22 yrs. of my life I remember waking up to bright sunshine, birds chirping, Rajaji talking before M.S.Shubalakshmi starts singing, the maid, my neighbor and more people talking about random people, dogs barking, buses honking, cars reversing to a ‘vande maataram’ tune…. The list goes on. One would never need an alarm to wake up in a place bursting with action starting from the time the milk man and newspaper comes at the wee hours of dawn.

If there was one thing I was never devoid of, even during the cyclones, crazy monsoons and scorching sun (agninakshatram times), was people. People who were genuine and cared. If I fell sick, I had the most random lady on the road telling me the best remedy and sometimes even giving it to me.

I remember when I had an accident and I was alone, there was a little shop where 2 women worked. I was sitting by the side walk and they brought me inside their shop which had just one chair - more like a bar stool. They opened a packet of coconut oil, wiped my wounds and applied it carefully. They gave me a packet of water and cursed the person who hit me on the wrong side of the road with all their heart.
I’ve never seen them before that and did not after that incident. During the scariest accident alone, I was not alone.

And that is my dear Madras.

Today, I see at least 50 people walk beside me on the streets of Manhattan, yet, I walk alone.

For the past 3 yrs. of my life, I wake up to an alarm set at 5 different times, that can snooze and yet everyday force myself to get out of bed into the gloomy, grey, cold world. I shudder to think what would happen to me if I faced an accident like the one I had before, here.

For the first time, I feel the void of people.

I never realized being alone could make a person not share, be concerned or be genuine. Every morning the lady who sells me coffee greets everyone with a "Hi Good morning, How is it going!" and thanks everyone with a "Thank you, have a good one!" with no hint of emotion.

Everyone talks about a culture-shock, the drastic weather difference or even the accent. The most striking difference to me, that hit me hard was how alone a person is in the world’s best place – America!

Years of being alone, surviving through a fast paced life of green bills and the corporate ladder can turn anyone into having just one best friend – oneself. Not only does the habit of living alone develops, but also, ensuring strong boundaries where no one enters to form any sort of a relationship – even of a neighbor.

In Madras I live in an apartment of 12 houses in total – I know each one of their names and am sure, at least 2-3 generations of their family. Here, I live in an apartment of 2 houses and do not have the faintest clue of who they are.

I sure do miss my Madras for more reasons than one, but this tops it all. I love where I am right now, and yet, feel the void of people more often than I would like.

Today, my fear is not living alone, but wanting to live alone.

LIVE THE MOMENT, FOR NOSTALGIA

Songs have a strong tendency to bring tears to your eyes, smiles to your lips and memories that you cherish!
Any song, whether you like it or not, but have heard it a lot of times on some occasion, you tend to go back to those days when you listen to it.
There was a TV serial title track that I remember listening to. My grandfather used to regularly watch and I actually have my eyes filled with tears, thinking of my grandfather, however have no memory of the song/serial per say.
Certain songs I remember my grandmother playing it on the Veena and her singing them. Those old Tamil/Hindi songs that I listen to now, is dubbed by my grandmother’s voice in my head.
Songs continuously played in the radio while on one of those long drives, songs that you would have never heard otherwise, but still enjoy it today just because of that memory and those days it takes you to.
And there are times, when suddenly you just want to keep listening to them and enjoy those moments of nostalgia.
That just happened to me today. I am sitting here smiling with my ears plugged and body swaying to the tune that takes me to a world of my own, where reality is far behind. Where happiness and present is all that matters and no thoughts of what happened, and what is going to happen.
Strange, how we remain happy for a few seconds in a world so far, so far away from reality and refuse to come back to the world we have to live in. Strange, how we know what we are doing is taking us nowhere, but still enjoy those moments of fantasies, dreams and nostalgia.
Songs not only bring me smiles and tears, but also take me to a world that I really want to be in. It takes me to that past that I lived like today, but enjoyed much later in life.
Today may be a day I may remember a few years later and listen to a song that brings me back to today for me to feel nostalgic. Thinking about it, did I enjoy today the way I would enjoy today 10 years from now? Hard to tell aint it?
I wonder if any of us really enjoyed those days we miss now – did we live the moment? …..
Hard to answer, coz I would go back and say those were the best days of my life and today sucks. Not far away from me saying, 2009-2010 were the best days of my life and today sucks!
Live the moment…and don’t forget to enjoy the nostalgia!